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Republican senator and mysterious bathroom misbehavior specialist Larry Craig announced the following at a press conference today:

"Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been," said Craig, who has aligned himself with conservative groups who oppose gay rights.

But...

In his petition to enter a guilty plea, Craig acknowledged that he "engaged in (physical) conduct which I knew or should have known tended to arouse alarm or resentment."

He also was required to stipulate in the statement that he would "make no claim that I am innocent of the charge to which I am entering a plea of guilty," the document said.

Can this dude read? And was "arouse" really the best word he could have chosen?

So, to be clear, Craig allocuted to a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge as part of a guilty plea, which he now regrets because it makes him look gay. Oh no! Anything but that! Craig also talked about how much he loves his wife and cares about his friends, and we all know that only family- and friend-hating motherfuckers troll for man-on-man action in public restrooms.

The police report states that, after being taken in for questioning, Craig pulled out something and asked the officer: "What do you think of that?" Thankfully, it was his Senate business card and not his 62-year-old balls.

The full details in the CNN article of what led to the Idaho senator's arrest are...awkward to say the least, but this one is a gem:

When the police interviewed him later, the senator said that "he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom" and that was why his foot may have touched the officer's, the report said.

According to the CNN article, Craig has also been informed that the leaders of the Republican party are calling for an ethics investigation into what they termed a "serious matter," The aide said senators, who discussed the matter by phone, were especially concerned about the business card allegation.

See, Mr. Craig, the Republican leadership doesn't mind the gay stuff!

Well, most of them don't. In an interview on MSNBC, Mitt Romney compared this to ex-Florida Congressman/proud pervert Mark Foley (Okay...) and Bill Clinton. Wait. What the hell?! Bill Clinton?!

According to MSNBC.com, Romney said, "I think it reminds us of Mark Foley and Bill Clinton. I think it reminds us of the fact that people who are elected to public office continue to disappoint, and they somehow think that if they vote the right way on issues of significance or they can speak a good game, that we'll just forgive and forget...And frankly, it's disgusting."

Reaaally...Bill Clinton had a consensual affair with a female intern. Frankly, I didn't care then and I don't care now, because Bill Clinton never went on a crusade against unfaithfulness. Mark Foley, on the other hand, tried to fuck at least one underage congressional page. To quote one of the best movies to ever take place in L.A., he's a pederass.

Mitt Romney continues to impress the public with his ability to talk with his head up his ass and still have a perfectly combed head of hair. But for the record, what Clinton did is not on the same level of shame as lewd conduct in an airport bathroom or pedophilia. Fuck you, Mitt.

The full article about how much Larry Craig doesn't try to pick up men in airport bathrooms can be found here:
Craig: I did nothing 'inappropriate' in airport bathroom

If you want to read Mitt Romney stroking himself, the link is here:
First Read: Romney links Craig with Bill Clinton.