Friday, December 28, 2007

047

Bad Ads
A short, pleasantly biased review of four pervasive advertising campaigns

BoConcept
The ads: BoConcept adorns their advertisements with phrases ending in "don't blame us."
An example: "If you think a chair can't turn heads, don't blame us."
The desired effect: Those in charge at BoConcept probably think that these ads exude confidence in their products' quality and affordability, that the air of confidence is sexy and alluring.
The problem: It makes the store sound like a bitchy absentee parent, which is not the vibe anyone wants in their home.

Washington Mutual
The ads: WaMu was ranked highest in the West and Midwest regions for customer satisfaction in retail banking by J.D. Power and Associates.
The desired effect: WaMu is proud of this honor, and they want to uphold the standard they have set for themselves. Customers can also expect great service from a company when their customer service award is plastered everywhere.
The problem: While thanking their customers for making them number one, WaMu pimps this award like they're Archbishop Don "Magic" Juan. Show more, tell less.

Dolce and Gabbana
The ads: Find the print ones yourself; it's more fun that way. Or check http://eng.dolcegabbana.it for the English-language version of their web site.
The desired effect: Glossy homo-erotic intrigue? I don't even know.
The problem: See above.

Jared, the Galleria of Tewlery
The ads: A string of creepy and/or pompous motherfuckers gasping to each other "He went to Jared!" "He went to Jared!" "He went to Jared!"
The desired effect: Everyone will want to bone the guy who went to Jared for his wife/fiancé/whatever's ring. Everyone will then wish that they/their husband/fiancée/whatever had the same elegant idea to go to Jared.
An example, which is also the problem: The settings are very formal events, things like galas, receptions, upscale cocktail parties. All of the characters place different emphasis on the line they deliver in series, like they're playing telephone with something shoved up their asses, and the whole thing makes you want to pee in their drinks Fight Club-style.

These companies are their best when they keep things simple:

. WaMu's customer service really is excellent, with friendly associates who have been cool to me from day one and no stewpid extraneous charges.
. D&G's products speak for themselves. I can't afford them, but they're cool, mostly, I think.
. And BoConcept's approach of customization and tailoring your purchase to your needs is exactly what design should be: individual.
. Jared, as you may guess, can totally blow himself. This company is putrid.

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